i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
