Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
