I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
