hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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