yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
