i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
