and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My ATM looks so different sober.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
