Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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