I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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