These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
