happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
