And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize