Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
