So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
