i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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