i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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