my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this just has baby written all over it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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