idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize