how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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