omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
