Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

Fav 6 4633 1140
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(915): View more from Texas

I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.

Fav 5 3418 1166
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(504): View more from Louisiana

My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.

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(525): View more from

It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?

Fav 14 3976 1069
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(763): View more from Minnesota

It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.

Fav 3 1146 1244
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(719): View more from Colorado

Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.

Fav 2 883 600
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(773): View more from Illinois

Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep

Fav 0 622 374
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(440): View more from Ohio

I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?

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