Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize