My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
