Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
