the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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