everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
