The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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