I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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