glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
