I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
