it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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