She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
