I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
