Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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