I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
