I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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