Redeem this text for a blowjob
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
