i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize