We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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