so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
