why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
