Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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