belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
