Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
