I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
