im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
