I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
