you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
