i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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