but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
