can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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