is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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