anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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