i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
