About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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