I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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