Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
