I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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