I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
