Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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