I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize