that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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