is wine microwaveable?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
