You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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