My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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