margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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