READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
