I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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