last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We got so high we made milksteak
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
