so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
