You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just invented taco cereal.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
