Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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