He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
