Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
