All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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