just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize