Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
