Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
