I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
