worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
