First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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