I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
